she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
