im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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