I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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