Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
