i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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