we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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