Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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