why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
