I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
