ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
