Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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