yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I AM VODKA MAN
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
