apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I believe in your delicious
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
