Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
