she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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