His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
