All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
