omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
