Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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