Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
