my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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