..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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