my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
this just has baby written all over it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
