laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
