His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I want a musical about memes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
