Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
They have beer where we have blood.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
