shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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