He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
