I heard we made out
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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