No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
