She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
