If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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