If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
