evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
