i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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