Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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