there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
