don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
