I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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