You made me cry and you don't even care
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
