Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
