WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
