6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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