Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I need water and some morals
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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