He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
