I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
