Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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