he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
