The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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