Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
