Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
