we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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