would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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